Sunday

I have decided that I am going to do diddly squat on Sundays. No dishes, no cleaning, no laundry, no public outings or trips to the store (unless needed). I am going to sit on my couch, eat when I feel hungry, read until I fall asleep, wake up when I want, wear whatever I want, play around online for however long I want, and be down right lazy.

America, let us all just take some time out of our ridiculously busy lives and just rest. Can we do that? If we all just took some time to do absolutely nothing and rest our minds and bodies, we would be more likely to get along, make flower chains, and have peaceful community camp outs that include sing-a-longs and marshmallow roasting activities.

On a similar note, the government needs to mandate a nap law that would read something like this: All businesses must require their employees to take 20-30 minute naps during their work day. A nap during the ol' 9-5 would be highly refreshing and I am positive that more people would buck up and be more productive folk.

This has been my ramble for the day. I have thoroughly enjoyed my Sunday doing nothing.

May the force be with you this lovely night.

Can you bullshit a bullshitter?

My post today is about a special type of person in this world. This person, much like a musical prodigy, is born with an accelerated inherent skill. This skill dear world, is universally known as "bullshitting". Being not the best bullshitter, I occasionally find myself coveting the bullshitter in my presence. What is the appeal of the bullshitter? The bullshitter has great appeal. The bullshitter can make a disgusting dump sound like a 5-star hotel, make a strong case for a certain project or activity that will benefit them and no one else, and make themselves seem like they are the end all and be all on everything in the universe. From experience, I have found that these said bullshitters are also extremely pretentious. Pretentious like a cupcake. Think about that statement.

So what does it take to become an accomplished bullshitter? Well, seeing as though most of us are not bullshitting prodigies, I have come up with a list of things we can all do to become competent bullshitters:

A. Read this article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhetoric and brush up on your ethos, pathos, and logos. To master bullshitting is to have mastered the 3 modes of persuasion.

B. Smile a lot when you are describing and event, discussing something you did, or would like to do. Occasionally showing a big open mouthed smile while describing an event will have people eating out of the palm of your hand.

C. Work on your sad, happy, concerned and disgusted facial descriptions.

D. Keep your head pompously up and eyes sternly focused on an object of your affection.

E. Learn how to incorporate big scientific words and facts into your conversations. This makes people believe that you REALLY know what you're talking about.

That is all for now. As I study and learn more about the art of bullshitting, I will dedicate another post to it.

Good night America, and happy bullshitting.

Thursday

Can the entire human race just please stop being stupid for one day? Yes, I suppose that does include yours truly, but seriously let's all commit to being less stupid for one day. I'm sure this will make our world a better place.

I need to start wearing a shirt that says "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat". Maybe I'll become a millionaire by creating that shirt.

I think that America, collectively speaking, should eliminate the Bachelor or higher degree requirement for jobs. Apparently, the issuance of a BA, BM, BS or what have you, means that you are "qualified" to do a particular job. This certainly is not the case. I think that employers should give some sort of organization, reasoning and communication skill test during the interview to rule out complete creepazoids. There are loads of people crawling around offices that have no earthly idea what they're doing or how to organize themselves- and they are degreed individuals! The only thing that could make these people better is if some sort of angelic mist came down from heaven and filled their brain with new, useful, non-idiotic cells.

Degree requirements are lame. School is lame and wasting your time getting a Masters degree that will in no way benefit you in your current career is uber lame. Sure it may make me look better, but is it bringing in that extra cash? Flip no.

Last, I'm sick and tired of people posting political mumbo jumbo on facebook. Go do something productive with your day. No one really cares. I don't really care.